Talk about taking your breath away.. When I heard those words, Stage III lung cancer, I thought I was going to be sick. You may have read my previous post in which I talked about my mom finding a "spot" on her lungs. Well in a mere 3 weeks time it has gone from a small sopt to a Robin's egg size and now we find out it is really a golf ball size malignant tumor. She has non-small cell lung cancer. Her doctor has informed her that with treatment they can extend her life. The doctors are not even talking about fighting to beat it. They have moved on to just trying to extend her life.  

She JUST turned 50 and her doctor has informed her that with treatment she 12 months to live. Why do we have to put an expiration date on human life? She's only 50!!! Yes, I know it's all her fault. She was a smoker, but she quite 7 years ago. The pain and feelings of loss I seem to be consumed with are nothing compared to what my little sister will deal with in the future. She just turned 10. I cannot even imagine loosing your mother at such a young age. My little sister has a Auspergers Syndrome so maybe that is a blessing in disguise. Maybe she will not be as crushed by this as myself or my brother.

You know it's stupid, but I just want to keep a part of her alive. I have even stopped deleted her messages on my answering machine because I never want any of us to forget what she sounded like. When my husband lost his father a few years ago we did not do those things and now, I am sorry to say it, I cannot remember what his voice sounded like. He face is starting to fade from my memory. It is still there but the edges have started to loose their focus. That's what I don't want to happen with my mother. Maybe I should just let it go, but at this point I just can't.

In the last 5 years my world has been tossed, tumble, and left upside down. 

5 years ago I lost my grandmother to cancer.
4 years ago I  lost for  husband's uncle to cancer.
2.5 years ago I lost everything in Hurricane Katrina
2 years ago my father-in-law died of cancer
1 year ago my husband was diagnosed with a tumor
6 months ago I found out that I had a touch of pre-cancerous cells-Skin cancer
3 days ago I found out that my mother has lung cancer

Good grief.. When is it going to be enough!!
My mom is JUST turned 50! She's to young for this.
My pre-cancerous skin cancer issue was due to my prosthetic leg not fitting properly and damaging the skin behind my knee. So take heed! Make sure your limbs fit properly as they can rub spots that damaged the skin on a cellular level. Thus making that area pre-cancerous or prone to develop skin cancer in the future. Who know wearing a prosthesis could give you skin cancer. I was FLOORED by this revelation..
My husband had a bump behind his knee and come to find out, it was a HUGE tumor. He's so cool. His tumor was the largest of it's type ever recorded in medical history. What a thing to go down in history for.. Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah.. My tumor's bigger than yours! When we first went in they thought he had osteosarcoma and they prepared us for him having his leg amputated and having a poor 5 year survival rate. Then we find out he has a desmoplastic fibroblastoma. Huh?!?! Basically he had some weird growth behind his knee that was bigger than a coke can and entangled with the bone, nerves and blood supply. They removed the tumor and he has a 26 inch scar and 3 fewer muscles in his leg. But hey, he's still got the leg!
My father in law  had esophageal cancer that metastasized everywhere; brain, lungs, liver.. You name it. He dies 19 months after being diagnosed.
I guess Hurricane Katrina needs no explanation.. And, YES. We evacuated the day before the storm hit. That seems to be the question we always get.. So, I thought I would just answer it.
My husbands uncle was a fireman. He was actually the Battalion Chief of Austin, TX. If you don't know what hat means, let me tell you.. He was the head honcho. Well, he died of lung cancer within a year of diagnosis.
My grandmother was told by the Dr.s that she had a spot on her lungs and they want her to come in and have it checked. Well, she was hard headed so she never got it checked.  A year later she was just ate up with cancers.
I did not go back further than 5 years, but I'll give a brief preview of that drama as well. The year before my grandmothers spot, my grandfather dies of.. you guessed it.. cancer. 1.5 years before that, we lost everything we owned in Tropical Storm Allison in Houston, TX. A year and a half before that we lost everything we owned in a fire. The fire was so bad that my neighbor died.

 So, that's my sob story. I was just feeling a little bit bad today and wanted a 'poor little me' moment. But, I stick to my original statement.. When is it enough? How much more can I go through?  I know, I know. God doesn't give you more than you can handle but damnit. I'm bogged down her with drama.. I need a break. Give me a couple of years with no death, no cancer,  no fires, no floods, no nothing. Just peace, calm and quiet. Let me make my own drama instead of forcing it on me. I swear I can keep things exciting!