I have been cautiously hopeful that the episodes of "Phantom Pain" that others on the site have reported and I have read about would, somehow, pass me by.   And, in the 17 months since my L BKA, I had experienced more of a "phantom itching" along the bottom of my left foot, even though there is now no left foot.  But, Sunday night, I finally discovered what everyone had experienced.

Around midnight, I woke up with a stabbing pain in my left ankle -  it felt like someone was trying to drive a spike into the left side of my left ankle.  It kept occurring about every ten to fifteen seconds, and lasted for two to five seconds each time.  This went on until around six a.m. Monday.  Needless to say, sleep was not an option.  I read a bit, watched TV, and kept massaging my stump, trying to get the pain to stop.  It finally decreased intensity from about 8 on the pain scale to about 3, asnd I was able to get some sleep, after calling in to work and saying I would be in after lunch.

This has been the only episode of "Phantom Pain" that I have endured (so far), and my hat is really off to those who suffer this affliction constantly.  In essence, I think calling it "Phantom" is, somehow, a misnomer - it is real, actual pain, and not some ghost of discomfort.

Our beloved cat, Goldie, passed away Saturday night.  She had had an inoperable cancerous tumor on her right hind leg for several months, and we knew it was only a matter of time, but her loss has devastated my wife and me.

It is amazing to me - the huge, gaping hole left in my heart by the loss of such a tiny being.

So I survived my experience in North Carolina working the commissioning of the USS North Carolina (SSN 777), the Navy's newest attack submarine.

My one major worry - getting up and down the ladder into the sub, was no big deal.  It wasn't exactly easy, but it was do-able.  I have to say, my hat is off to the men on the North Carolina!  I was only aboard for less than two hours, and the claustraphobia was starting to kick in.  How they can manage months at sea in such a cramped environment is beyond me.

By the end of the trip, I was physically exhausted.  While I am OK standing for an hour or so at a time, being on my feet for several consecutive 10 - 12 hour "shoot" days wore me out.  I was so bushed by the end of the trip that I had to pull over in a rest area and take a nap before I could finish the drive home.

Lessons learned - mainly, buy a foldable, portable chair for when I'm on the road.  There is nowhere to sit in the control room of a sub (unless you're in the crew) - and besides, I didn't want to accidentally hit the wrong button and start WWIII, so I need to be able to get off the old dawgs when they (or, actually "it") starts barking.

I'm off to Norfolk Nval Base next week, and I have two weeks in San Diego at the Naval School of Health Science coming up next month...

I'm finally getting "on the road" for my job as a producer / project officer for the Naval Media Center!  Next Tuesday, I drive down to Wilmington, NC, to co-produce the "Commissioning Video" of the Navy's newest Virginia Class submarine, the USS North Carolina.  I'm really stoked about the trip - my first time ever aboard a nuclear submarine!  I get to see if I can get up and down the ladders to get into (and out of) the sub.

When the Navy commissions a new ship, there is a big ceremony, where just about everyone that had anything to do with the ship, or anyone who ever knew anyone that had anything to do with the ship,  gets to speak.  The really cool part is when they "bring the ship to life", when the crew all go on board and the first watch is set. 

We will get to do interviews with the ship's captain and crew to use in the video, plus do some videotaping inside the sub (skipping all of the classified stuff).  Of course, the sub will remain ties up at the dock.  One of these days, I hope to get back aboard a warship underway.

Oh, BTW, if anyone gets The Pentagon Channel, look for a show in May called "All Hands TV".  The command information spots that are shown during the program instead of commercials were my productions...

Thanks to Cali for the title of this post :)

Sunday, March 30th, is my one year anniversary as a BKA. Hard to believe that a whole year has passed since I went to sleep in the OR with 2 legs and woke up later with only 1 and 2/3.

I guess the one most important lesson I've learned from the whole process is this - life does go on. It is possible to live and thrive without the lower part of my left leg.

A year ago, I really had my doubts about life as a new amputee. It seemed there was so much to learn, and so many things to re-learn, as one with a limb difference. I tried to keep a good attitude about the whole process, but deep inside, a part of me felt that my life, as I knew it, was over.

In a way, that feeling was correct. My old life was over. But, I have found, my new life was just beginning. It's like that old saying - when one door closes, a new one opens.

And my new life is pretty good, actually. My spouse enables me and makes me strive to be the best husband that I can be, my work is interesting and fulfilling, my overall health is probably better than it has been in years. I am able to walk pretty well with my "RoboLeg".

I'm still me, still the same person that I've always been, just with a slight modification.

I owe a lot to so many others - my spouse, my doctors, my "leg guy" at Hanger, my co-workers - and all of you guys as well. I'm really glad to have found this resource, the LessThanFour community. Reading everyone's blogs and sharing our common experiences has really helped me to keep my ducks in a row.

Life really is all about the journey, and not the destination. I look forward to the next steps...