Never stop caring
about the little things in life,
never stop dreaming
or give in to strife.
 
Never stop building bridges
that lead to promising tomorrows,
never stop trying
or give in to sorrows.

Never stop smiling
and looking forward to each new day,
But most of all my friend...
never stop shining in you own special way.

Never forget that all storms can clear,
the grayest sky can turn pure blue.
Remember, brighter tomorrows are near...
And of course, I'm always here for you

I'm not what you would call a computer savvy.... but ever since I got more time in my hands beginning last year, I began to be active surfing on just about anything that would feed my curiousity...food blogs and esoteric are a few of my favorite searches.....that is until friends started adding me to their friends' list on social- networking sites and one  introduced me to this website about 2 years ago and just officially signed up summer of this year for which I am grateful.  Internet can be 'addicting' at least that's my p.o.v  and I mean it as something positive for me especially when I'm learning a lot from what I'm reading...the most fun part is meeting friends online...I have joined a couple of  networking sites; made some friends of the same nationality but of course never divulging my physical condition....but learning that most of these male 'friends' have only females on their list with 'sexy' poses made me think twice of even continuing (no, i don't have provocative poses...apparently my 'cute' face is enough)...so I ended unsubscibing from the site.  No attachments whatsoever as I don't have anything common to share with them anyways.

Of course, an online community that would serve my needs for learning, inspiration,support and networking as an amputee is a different ballgame..being an amputee is something you have to go through for the rest of your life and meeting people with the same needs is always the goal (again, my p.o).  It's like trust.  It's like an unspoken agreement.  You know why you're here for or others like you are here for..sort of.  One can't get enough of inspiring stories to learn from but one can get 'high' from an overdose of compliments, praises and encouragement...it's like hypnotism for 'clueless' amputees....you lose your sense of trust...your sense of discernment.  You suddenly get inspired to 'be who you really are' and what better way to show is through pictures.  I love photos...I'm lucky to have a husband and daughter who are good at it.  Again, for a time since finding this site...this became my virtual gallery and my virtual hell. I believed I've 'fed' enough 'maniacs' through my seemingly 'honest' projection of my natural self.  Learning the hard way is still learning.  You learn, accept and start anew.  Being an amputee is never easy...but you get by in your own terms.  I learned not to be 'conditioned' to praises and compliments....amputees can be vulnerable.

Stay safe...The internet is a big jungle...you just have to wander in caution.  There are far too many unscrupulous characters even in a great website like lessthanfour.  Lesson learned.

I missed school today (I teach).  I'm still feeling under the weather, still running a slight fever.  It was worst yesterday, which thankfully was a holiday(Oct.1-Ramadan) but the weather yesterday was really bad, a storm just hit Manila and by mid-morning I felt so bad  I was running a high fever.  I was chilling all over and was experiencing a bad case of phantom pains/chills....I was almost in tears as I have no control over  these phantom pains and I was sick... hopping back and forth to the bathroom didn't make the situation any easier...hopping just made me feel worse as I was out of balance, thankfully I have grab bars in the bathroom....now I regret giving away my forearm crutches......The sun is finally up today and the weather is back to being humid/tropical but I'm still in bed.....I couldn't get into my prosthesis because I'm still very weak...ugh....and it's discomforting to hop at the moment although I just plopped myself to a sofa to have a bowl of chicken porridge.....I just want to doze off....the lows of being sick and an amputee:(

.....one  year today since my dad passed on, he was 61...and I miss his physical presence.  He was 'seriously' diabetic and suffered a heart problem, despite being abled, he tires easily on long walks (as excercise) especially uphill more than I do...I could do a marathon till my ottobock knee gives way but then....sigh............he did suffer for a couple years...  He was one person, the only one in our family of five who really stood out for me.  He was active in non-profit organizations like Goodwill Industries(for the disabled) and had been of service to people with disabilities(he would hire them to do some fixing in the house, although a 2 days work for an abled body is 1 week for an amputee, but nevertheless his patience was amazing).  I might say he's pretty biased towards amputees because of his daughter:), figuratively he had a BIG heart, and he's BIG on compassion...IRONICALLY but literally he had an enlarged heart....tears....tears....he gave whatever he can so I could walk well...he's a bit vain too, haha....but I guess there would always be something obvious when you're walking with a prosthesis.  I know that he's in another realm, another dimension wherein all these sufferings are non-existent.  And he's happy.  He's always been concerned for my happiness but the anxiety brought about my handicap was always there.  But now he's happy.  And we both know now that this physical body is very temporary.  I did lose my leg physically but I know when I reach the other side, I won't be needing my prosthetics because all the while I never really lost my leg.  I can still feel it,  it's how I look at it whenever I feel phantom pains or whatever.  And when I do see my dad again in the next realm,  I know I'll be taking walks with him, carefree and no worries for the both of us.  I miss you, dad...I know I thanked you well enough..I'm still thanking you for everything that I am now,  I truly appreciate who I am now, both the good and the bad side.  I embrace my uniqueness because you showed great compassion to people like me.

  Having lost a limb a decade or so ago was a big blow....not that I can't do the things I loved doing before...I loved the outdoors...but I also LOVED partying, dressing up...just looking good. . .it took some time for me to finally accept my fate...I kept telling myself and a very few others that I would have fully welcomed it if it were some disease that struck on me, something that I definitely would not have control of. One of the first things that was handed me in the hospital was my pair of pump shoes, a sort of gift from mom. Shoes....I just loved them. When I did therapy, all I thought of was: what kind of shoes can I walk with now? After doing therapy in New England(US) and feeling that positive energy inside me, I went shoe shopping. . . ha! All those designer slip on shoes just flew off my artificial foot! Getting a reprimand from my Filipino therapist definitely did not help but it was a wake-up call. You can be 'normal' but you have to choose your shoes wisely! Shoes played a major part in my travels in the past. I would definitely shop for them but this time, I've probably grown wiser with age. At 36, I would still wish to wear stillettos...or even those serious-looking pump shoes I had back then before the accident. That's about it. I own a better pair that works perfectly well for me. All my shoes are rubber soled. I buy shoes that would work perfectly with my prosthesis when I walk with it; no longer something that would suit my whim or myself perse. My prosthesis is my best friend now. I know I can't live without it and it stuck by me through the years. It has brought me places without a hitch. It didn't fly off my stump. I just wanted it covered with cosmetic foam and skin tone stockings. Maybe a silicone base cover next time.