Self Pity

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

D.H. Lawrence

This poem has done wonders for me. I am an intelligent man, but there are times in my life as an amputee that all the brains in the world (not that I have them all, grin) aren't enough to drive me forward. So I put the higher functions aside and strive to be a wild thing.

I've been told that stubborness is the greatest attribute to have when it's time to recover from an amputation. I personally believe this is true. Over the past several years, in talking with other amputees, I've expanded this list.

Here are some of the attributes that I've heard people credit for their success in recovery from an amputation:

• Stubborness
• Faith
• Openess to change
• Anger
• Fear
• Commitment to improvement
• Vision, as of an improved future (perhaps related to faith?)
  Support (of others, not a true personal attribute, per se, but a lot of people credit others for their success, so I've included it -- personally, I don't think we should credit others with our success; they can assist, but cannot do, in my mind; the gumption to move comes from inside, not from outside)
• Luck
• Good health (I've heard people say this, probably in the context of lack of disease enabled healing, but physical healing isn't sufficient, I think, for true recovery)
• Surrender (as of control, or giving up the illusion of control, perhaps as in openess to change, in the list above)
• Good medical staff (helpful for healing, but past that for recover? I'm not sure about this one)
• Information/dedicated support (this is in contrast to the general type of support, above, but is more specific to recovery from an amputation, e.g., participation in an amp support group
• ????

What do you think? I'm interested in what other amps credit for their recovery. Drop me a comment and give us your opinion, if you don't mind.

Thanks,

Why being a below-knee amputee isn't all bad:

10. You still have a knee, which causes AKs and hip-disarticulations to call you "flesh wound".

9. Leaving only half the total amount of toenail clippings beside the bed increases marital harmony (and toenail clippers last twice as long!).

8. You get twice the wear out of socks (wear once, swap feet, wear again -- repeat at your own risk).

7. You are more likely to survive the next ice age than otherwise whole people (fewer extremities means less overall frostbite).

6. When riding your bicycle, stray dogs that begin to chase you get very confused.

5. When people say "sorry" after stepping on your foot in a dark theater, you can honestly respond "no problem".

4. You don't have to be quite as picky with your appearance as other people (go a day or two without shaving, wear a ball cap instead of brushing your hair, wear a dirty shirt, etc.) as long as you wear shorts because no one will notice anything but your leg.

3. For the clumsy, spraining your ankle becomes a thing of the past.

2. In rattlesnake country, you cut the odds of getting snake bit in half.

1. After seveal tequilia shots, you can freak out people who don't know you are an amputee by kicked the crap out of hard objects while demonstrating no pain!

Just a bit of amp humor to start the day. Enjoy. Feel free to comment and add your own!

Some nice folks have shared things that inspired them. Here are some of mine. Not to everyone's taste, I am sure, but one person's inspiration is another person's blatant hype. So be it.

First, Mistubishi (I think) did a car commercial in late spring 2001. Had my amputation on April 25th (my sister's birthday, which still makes her mad, LOL). Typical commercial, but had a strange, electronic and repetitive tune that went "Get up, get up, put the body in motion" (repeated until you are sick of it, grin), then to "Let's do it, start the commotion... wind it up baby" Not inspiring on an emotional or intellectual level, but couldn't get the tune out of my head, particularly because recovering my physical self was the whole point of my amputation. I also found out, quite happily, that on a treadmill, with a long stride (I'm 6 2), the beat of the song drove me to a pace of 4.3 mph on a treadmill. Very handy. Artist (such as they are): The Wiseguys. Title: Start the Commotion.  Album: The Antidote.

Second one is a scene from a TV show that I had seen, forgotten, and then saw again about six months after the surgery. Show was "China Beach" (my wife LOVED the show, I was mostly neutral). One of the characters, late in the show (last season I think), named Boonie, lost his leg in a jeep accident in Vietnam. In the last several shows, the war is over (at least the fighting was), the people are home trying to get on with their lives. Boonie goes to the home of a pretty nurse he'd had in rehab, trying to connect with her. Eventually she takes him into her bedroom, stands him on one leg (they used a real amputee for this, thankfully), took off all his clothes, and forced him to look at himself, standing there, very incomplete. You're beautiful, she says. I've seen that episode several times since then, each time hits me like a brick, because she's right. We all are -- the incompletes -- beautiful. Even middle aged fat men, like myself, grin.

Last one was a Nike commercial that was never completely aired because it was 90 sec long. They did air pieces of it, but broken down it was never as strong. This came out the summer of 2003 (I am pretty sure), which is the same summer I rode bicycles cross country with a couple of other amps. Here is the link to the video on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjcZNR6MiRE. If the link doesn't work, search for "Lance Armstrong Nike Commercial", posted by madjin48. This is especially powerful for amps who picked up cycling again after the amputation, which is what I did.

Enjoy, and take them for what they are, a personal expression of a few things, out of many, that worked for me.

Just a quick note to say I'm here.

I am a below knee amputee for six years. Amputation was my 21st surgery. Original accident that maimed my leg was in 1976, fought it for 25 years, and finally decided to eliminate the issue. It worked. No more pain and I am more active now than I have been in most of my adult life.

No regrets. I tell people that the "foot" I ended up with (prosthesis) is not as good as the one I was born with, but is a heck of a lot better than the one I ended up with (the one I had cut off). Doctors working on my foot before the amputation told me within a year I would be wishing I had done it fifteen years earlier. They were right. What ultimately got me was a question one of them asked me, "What quality of life do you really want?" I hadn't really thought about it, but doing so helped me look past the immediate (dealing with significant, chronic pain, infections, etc.).

Since amputation, have been skydiving, snowboarding, skiing, etc. Even rode bicycles from Seattle, WA to Jacksonville, FL with three other amps (see amputeesacrossamerica.com). We called it the 2001 Tour de Gimp. Only other amputees get the humor (grin).

So, glad to be here with the other imcompletes.

Mark