I've been an amputee for 20 years,and getting back into relationships was one of the areas I had problems moveing forward in. But I found that finding someone that was accepting of my condition really was the least of my worries. For myself my biggest problem was me! And I came to relize that it was fear. Fear of how others might see me was the enemy. I found it to be next to impossible to live without a woman in my life,and even though I had been transparent about my amputation,when it came to sex I would make excuses to put it off,or exit the relationship compleatly because of fear. I did not want anyone to see me this way. But in time I found that the only person that really had a problem with me being this way was me.

I know that it has been very hard for me to find ways to help Theo and that reality of what he is facing.

There have been drastic changes to our relationship both negatively and positively.

I know that our love has been tested and strengthened in a way.

Currently, we as a family are having a hard time adjusting to the degenterative condition. One day we might be able to play in the yard with our daughter and other days he sleeps because the pain is to much.

Because of his medications and the most recent increse, I have trouble getting him to focus on the more serious conversations that we as a family need to have.

I also feel frusterated sometimes in a very selfish way because I miss the closeness we used to feel. I know alot of it has to do with the activities we used to do and what we can't do now. I know that he, at times feels like he is a burden and that it is his fault that we have to go through this. I honestly hope that he doesnt feel bad about how this situation is affecting our family because I just hope he knows that I/we wish I/we could help him more.

The medications is the hardest for me because it changes him and his abililty to communicate with me and others. It is causing a distance that is heartbreaking. To know him and how big his heart is you end up missing him.

He has developed a social anxiety even with his closest family and friends. He will look to remove himself from a group and will find a place to sleep or be alone.
It makes me mad that he trys to be stronger at time than he can handle both physically and mentally.... He trys to fight his disability and the pain in such a way that I actully have to tell him to take it easy and realize that it dosent have to be like that.
I know that I can only offer him my support while he makes his decision to either amputate or fuse his ankle but in the meantime, I feel like his toughts are clouded by his meds and his emotions... and I think he feels alone. I also know that at times, no matter what I say or do.... I cannot relate to what he is going through the way I think he need me to....

That is why I am so thankful that this site is here because I think it has connected him with a community of people who are showing him that he is not alone and that it is ok for him to feel anyway that he needs to. I love him a lot and I know that he knows that everything will be ok and that we are loved in the world but sometimes it is hard to see the valley through the trees.

Jamie,
I know it's hard when starting out fresh being an amputee. I also know he's going through a lot physically,and emotionally. I understand that he's been this way for a year,or less. I think maybe it's time to expect more from him,let him do more for himself,encourage him. Let him know that nothing has changed,he's still depended on for support,that there are husband,and daddy things that need his attention,find ways to get him more involved in family matters,espeacially with the kids. Never show pitty,only encouragement,and support. Push him to do more.

Rick,

Thank you for listening and you are very right. I know that one of the things that I've noticed is that I am being pushy about decisions and life stuff...that I think I might be ignoring how I feel about whats going on. I know that am avoiding asking him for support because I know hes going through a lot for himself and I feel like I should be the supporter for him.

....and you know I have to say that it takes alot for you to look within your self and recognize that you might be hiding away from relationships, and that is an acknowledgement that can move mountains....Not many people reconize there own fears enough to do anything about them and well... good for you it take alot to know yourself.