This is the story, from A to Z, of my experience with cancer.

 The winter of 2005-06, after my first semester at MSU, I was playing indoor soccer at a complex near my parents house in Jackson, Michigan. Even though I usually play goal keeper, that night I was out on the field, showing off my moves to a girl I was seeing at the time. During the game, I over extended my left leg and felt a tear in my hamstring, but at the time didn't think anything of it. In my long soccer career, I have injured myself countless times.

  Over the next few weeks, I continued to play soccer. Every once in a while, I would feel a small muscle spasm in that same area where the original injury had occured, and over time, I started to have some problems with sciotic nerve pain. So, I finally decided that I might want to take some time off of soccer and let my leg heal. After about a month, with the nerve pain getting worse, I decided to visit my doctor.

  The doctor decided to send me to physical therapy for the nerve pain, and what was beginning to be muscle weakness by the summer of 06. I worked through a few months of physical therapy, then headed back to school at MSU in the fall.

  After the first semester of my sophmore year, the nerve pain and muscle weakness was beginning to make it hard to walk to class, so I decided to take a semester off and move home, and also explore the problem with my leg some more. Looking back I don't really know why I didn't jump on the problem a lot sooner.

  After visiting my doctor again and recieving an MRI of my lower back, which turned up negative, I was sent back to another bout of physical therapy. I started during january of 07. I kept at the physical therapy for another 6 or 7 months, until my leg was so bad, I couldn't even lift it off the ground without using my arms to pick it up. I finally got furious at one of my doctors appointments and told my doctor that I was going to go to UofM for exploratory surgery. The doc then ordered an MRI of my left hip and pelvis, which, in october of 2007, revealed a tumor around the size of a softball sitting in front of my left hip and pushing in between my SI joint.

  I was in Detroit within 3 days for my biopsy, and within a week I had the results. Malignant. Chemo started a week later, on holloween weekend.

  Throughout my first 3 months of chemo, my surgeon stayed in contact and told me several times the different types of procedures that I might undergo. "From something as simple as shaving some of the bone, to a complete hip replacement. The chances are extremely small however, that you would need something as CRAZY as an amputation!" Well, January 21st, the night before my surgery, I visited my surgeon for our pre-surgery talk. It was at this time, that I was informed that I would indeed be needing an amputation of my left leg. I was given around 10 hours to decide.

  I was in shock, but one good thing about being an extremely logical person is that you make most of your decisions while trying to leave emotions out of it. So, I went through with the procedure the next morning. After a week of recovery, I was back in the hospital for another 6 months of chemotherapy.

  Now it has been a year and half or so since the surgery, and my head is FULL of what ifs. Full of regrets. I tell myself that trading my leg for my life was worth it, but then I watch my friends kicking a ball around on the pitch, or throw a frisbee on the beach, or carry a glass of water from one room to the next without spilling it all over... and I wonder.

  It's hard for me to justify my decision right now because I feel so alone. I used to be a confident young man with his whole life ahead of him that felt like he could walk into a room and light it up... It's a big change to not see girls checking you out when you are walking around cedar point, or to not be able to compete with my friends in something like who can kick the best goal or something like that.

  So, anyways, thats my story. Like I said in my original post, I am just hoping that there are some people that had similar thoughts like this to give me some guidance in a pretty confusing time.