Why do people treat amputees like we are not human?

I am tempted to say ‘above human', but sometimes I get the look of disgust, just for a moment. It's as if people have this transitory feeling of sorrow for us, but then you catch them staring and it's gone. It's just an instant; if you're not paying attention, you will miss it.

I was at the Newark airport this weekend, and I had the shock of my life. Everyone stared at me, shamelessly. I was waiting in the security line, I turned around and there were people staring at me from every direction! If you were anyone else, you would slip by, like a bunch of greasy minnows in a wet hand. Fat or skinny, punk rocker or conservative, it wouldn't matter. But you're damaged and different, driving your wheelchair like a mobile science project. If you were teeming over with packages that you couldn't carry, you know that no one would help you. Because you're different. You're unlike others.

When you roll by the 6 year old being dragged around by his mother and he pauses and points, she yanks him like a dog on a leash, and says "Honey, don't stare!". Sometimes she offers a smile of apology, sometimes not, like that makes it all better. It makes me want to scream "I AM JUST LIKE YOU! ALL OF YOU! DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY SCAR? IS THAT WHY YOU CONTINUALLY STARE AT ME?"

In other parts of the country, smaller towns, I feel less like a bizarre freak of nature and more like a special and unique woman. I get the impression that anyone who has been an amputee for a while has had: the feeling that people will help you if you are struggling. You know that people won't just purposefully look the other way when they see you having a hard time getting your chair into a truck, or propelling your chair with all your packages. I call it the ‘urban hunch'. You know you might get a few stares, but people will offer help if needed.

Never again will I wear evening gowns, or dance. There are many things I will never do, for fear of people looking at me funny. I am deathly afraid of looking odd all dressed up with a wheelchair underneath me. I am still human, and I'm concerned about the way I look. I still get anxious thinking about the weird looks I would get if I wore white after Labor Day, or a sweater too early in the season. Isn't that funny? I am still troubled by these things, when I have so much bigger fish to fry?

It would be nice if everyone thought like that.

My name is Tara, and I am a Staff Sergeant in the Army. I lost my leg in an IED attack in Baghdad on 14 February 2006. Yep, Valentines Day. I was deployed with my husband, and I am one of the unlucky ones to remember everything about the incident. I have a traumatic brain injury associated with it: I lost so much blood, so fast that I ended up dying for a short time, and because my brain didn't get enough oxygen I killed part of it. As soon as I can access my MySpace page, I will upload a picture of my truck after it was blown up. If you wuld like to see it before then, go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=105544740

I think if there is anything different about my personality, it would be that I am much more emotional than I used to be. Being in the Army for 7 years takes all the emotion out of you, especially being a female. Now, I can cry at the drop of a hat. I have an anger problem and I can't seem to find a middle ground. Part of that is my brain injury, but part of it is also the fact that I went through a very traumatic situation that I am still dealing with. As far as my brain injury, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, although I was only in country for 2 months (I don't know how I would have dealt with it if I had been there a year like my Soldiers).

Because of the short length of my residual limb and my brain injury combined it was SO hard for me to walk on my prosthetic. Every day I would see Soldiers who had an amputation after me, would get their prosthetic and be up and walking before me. It was so frustrating!! So, my husband, mother and doctors all got together and decided I had too many challenges working against me, and to be functional It would be better for me to just be in my wheelchair for now. So, for the last 4 months I have been in my wheelchair and I almost feel like I have two legs. I can go to the store, cook and do everything I did before my injury.

For all of you that are wondering what it was like being "over there", it was a living hell. Being afraid for your life all day, every day, wears on you. 

Now that I am done with that chapter of my life, I think I am going to go to school, finish my degree and start my own real estate business.

I am on this site to connect with other female amputees. I haven't met any, I have been without my right leg for over 18 months now. Where are they all at?